How Do You Know If You Have A Borderline Mother?


The symptoms of Borderline personality disorder are linked to extreme emotions as well as an inaccurate sense of self. The borderline personality mother traits are important to recognize so that the mom can get the help that she needs to raise healthy children and take care of herself as well. Here are the most common symptoms of someone with Borderline:

  • The Borderline mother has a fear of abandonment and the perception that others are rejecting or separating from them whether this is real or imagined.
  • Having volatile and unstable relationships. The person on the other end of the relationship is either idealized or perceived as malicious, cruel or that they “don’t care.”
  • The borderline mother has a distorted perception of self where she sees herself as bad or invisible.
  • She can have paranoia, which can last as much as a few hours. Typically high levels of stress cause these paranoid feelings.
  • She engages in risky behavior such as unsafe sex, compulsive spending sprees, and substance abuse. She might abruptly quit a job she likes or stops relationships that are positive influences in their lives.
  • She expresses suicidal threats and engages in self-harm. These behaviors are linked mostly to fear of rejection or being separated from loved ones.
  • The Borderline mother has mood swings, which can last for a few days or shift in a matter of hours. She can experience euphoric happiness, anger, guilt, anxiety or panic all in a few hours.
  • She has a feeling of numbness or emptiness.
  • She has intense feelings of anger or rage. The Borderline mother loses her temper. She lashes out verbally or even physically attacks


When you are a mother with a Borderline personality disorder, it’s extremely important to get treatment for your mental illness. You want to be able to be present for your children and be mentally and emotionally healthy. Part of the treatment for BPD is going to therapy to understand your abandonment issues better and work on learning to create and maintain healthy relationships. This is especially important if you are a Borderline mother so that you can model healthy relationships for your children.

Here are some common treatments for a Borderline personality disorder that can help the Borderline mother get the help that she needs:

Talk Therapy – This is a foundational treatment that can help a mother with a borderline personality disorder. The therapist that she’s working with will adjust her treatment plan depending on her particular issues that she is struggling with. She could work on self-harm issues, creating and maintaining relationships or emotional regulation.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Similar to CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) DBT focuses on behavior modification. The Borderline mother will learn what behaviors are preventing her from functioning well and work to change them. DBT often will include group therapy sessions so that patients can learn from one another, but there are also therapists who treat Borderline patients with individualized sessions. One key component of DBT is utilizing mindfulness techniques. The Borderline mother learns to sit with her emotions rather than running from them. She understands the importance of regulating her emotions.

She will begin to notice when she’s feeling out of control and work on meditation and breathing techniques to prevent angry outbursts. Another key issue that DBT treats is for the Borderline mother to be able to manage emotional distress. When she is triggered and wants to panic, she can calm down using therapeutic techniques learned in DBT. DBT teaches useful skills to her that she can use in everyday life and helps her to seek out healthy relationships, which she can maintain. She will also be able to improve her existing relationships with a romantic partner as well as her children.

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