The Five Types Of Asperger’s

It still pisses me off that the DSM5 got rid of Asperger’s. Not only is Asperger’s it’s own thing (repetitive behaviors & special interests you guys!) but there’s different levels of it. There are so many genes that go into autism that it might even be split into several different disorders someday. Here’s a totally unscientific set of types based on aspies I’ve known:

Impulsive (aka Party Crasher)

These aspies are run by their ids. They’re the most high-energy and the most likely to blurt out rude shit. Most prone to repetitive behaviors. Also more likely to show their feelings than other types. Prone to addictions from Internet browsing to heroin. They usually have more social awareness than they’re given credit for. They can even be charismatic for short periods of time, which makes sense because they’re generally the most social. But they’re the hardest aspies to spend extended periods of time with. They used to let their inner monologue run wild when they were younger, driving people away. They may or may not have learned better. Most have developed some pride in their inadvertent “tell it like it is” attitude, which is appreciated by certain people. Misdiagnoses include ADHD, bipolar disorder, & borderline.

Methodical (aka Patrick Bateman)

These aspies study the social world long and hard. They’re generally pretty touchy, having very specific ideas about what’s good and what isn’t. The most outwardly adept of the bunch, they can hold jobs and sustain friendships longer than other types. High IQs. High intensity. Repetitive behaviors. Wry conversationalists. Like to control their environment. Their sperg finally shows when you notice the studied aspect of their interactions. Plus their obsessive special interests, which they’re among the most likely to have. May be misdiagnosed with OCD or a personality disorder. I think these aspies are mostly men.